A Labile Dreamer

Since I knew how the capture of the world is

Surely I have traveled far away

Hunting for my own path, asking for other’s help

No one’s found the answer yet, they just watching on what I’ve done

May be that’s the reason why the birds sang by their own willing

That’s why flowers bloom by themselves

And the reason why I am standing on this point now

It was all just for our own sake, who care?

Even until this day I can’t identify my blurry dreams

Nobody help me to translate them

It was weird having these unstable dreams

New Year means ‘New Dreams’ for me

Surgeon on 2010, 2011 desiring to be a governmental speaker

Finally Korean wave injected me early this year

Till this nearly year-end, Korean singer is where I put my hands up

I can’t ever be brave to create my steady dreams

Even more I can’t ever be brave just to trust my self

Thinking I was born on the unlucky day,

Thinking this world is a wrong place for an unstable dreamer

Even there will be no small dream granted as my wish

I know it’s at risk to have no big end in mind for this time

I like this way, where I’ve been set free, when I’ve faced this long path

Although my hands are small, and my brain is too small to hold a clear dream

But I promise I will always stand sturdily here, on my own feet

Cause I was born to be part of the world

Cause I am proud enough to be a “Labile Dreamer”

Little Seoul Girl

                It sounds impossible wishing that I was born and grew at South Korea. As I am 15 years old now, maybe when I was born there was still nothing special from K-pop. But I am sure that if I were living there, at my 9^th I will proudly go to SM Entertainment office to register on its audition. No matter how talented I was, the most important thing is I could do what I want to do, become a singer and dancer. I want them to choose and take me as their trainee, who have guaranteed will be raised as their artist. My wildest dream is to be a member of girl group or moreover become solo singer at South Korea which is nowadays have been well-known by people all over the world.

                Becoming one of SM trainee is not easy. A child must show up their talent on the audition, almost of them joint the audition at their 8^th-12^th which means that they have to sacrifice their time. Furthermore when they were accepted, every day after school they must go to the office and have rehearsal at least 5 hours a day on singing and dancing. On their 15^th they have to live at the dormitory and have longer rehearsal. This is the dangerous point, the one who are not strong enough will get sick or even kicked off from the management and of course will not have any debut.

                I always dreaming about that debut day when I enter into my new world, performing on my own stage, and of course hearing everybody  is shouting my name, raising my photos up, wishing I will see and wave my hands to them. I just want to get a debut, after I grew up as an artist, got a lot of awards, my songs stayed on the top position of K-Chart, then I will buy a luxurious apartment for my parents. After all of those luxuries, 2 latest important things that I want to do is marry with my first love boy, then send my parents to Mecca, their dreamland.

                I know that all of these things just a dream, and I have been ready if they are not come true. At least I ever know how is the feeling when I am trying hard to keep my passion stay flaming.

Life Is A Bet

                Since I was born in this world 15 years ago, I assume that live will always fun, full of happiness and no starving. I have that kind of paradigm because along my 14 years I almost never feel sad, and always happy. I don’t know is it my parents, my friends, or my environment that let me feel that. My parents almost give whatever I asked, you can say that I am a spoilt child. I always feel that I have a prosperous live. My father is a chief village, all people respect him. The most joyful thing is just because I am a chief village’s youngest daughter, they also respect me a lot and nobody dare to hurt me, even wherever I was some people are keeping me and becoming my bodyguards. As well as my friends on my Elementary School, they never say and do such an impolite act to me.

                This condition still continuous when I went to Junior High School. Although I studied far away from my village, when I went home all of the people stared friendly to me. In fact my father’s occupation has done when I was on the 2nd grade of Junior High School, they still treat me just like a princess.

                The condition started to change when I enter the Senior High School, I have to live alone `t a dormitory with everyone who has thousands differences. The worst thing is the school is 5 hours away from my house. It was really painful for me, moreover my mom. I heard that she like to cry because I was not with her.

                I tried hard to discover my own way to survive there, adapt and learn how is other’s character. It was hard at the first time, I almost gave up because I never success to keep my egoism and arrogance. Until I was on the 2nd grade I was difficult to heard other’s opinion, critics and push them to follow me. I know that i is a wrong action, but I don’t know why it was really hard to fight with my own bad character.

                It’s just like a bet from me to myself. More I put my braveness and my willing to fight on my bad characters, more I will get when I won, but if I lose I will get nothing. That’s why I try hard to fight on it, so that I will get great advantages.

This Is My Way to Feel Alive !

Vote for your fate

Election trough voting has become the most favorite method on choosing a leader. Even nowadays we will not see any government who sit face each other on round table and do the discussion to decide who is someone that deserve to lead them. As we know, voting involve almost all of the society. Wait up, is it fair for them?

The nature of election is the way to choose a leader that created as fair as possible. It has proven from the standard of election, the one who may vote is only those who are or more than 18 years old. This kind of policy was made in order to avoid the immature decision. As we know that 18 is like a start of somebody to think wisely, as the fact shows that teenagers are not compatible enough on deciding. Cause these kind of decision is involving society’s welfare, it needs mature and wise decision.

All of us knew, when we vote we will enter to a small room that there will be nobody who watching and affecting us. It proves right of choosing the candidate is absolutely belong to us. Although some candidates usually try to cheat by giving some money to the society, societies still have the right to make their own decision. Furthermore the recorded votes counted in front of the medias that will report it directly to the society. There is no closed information, it shows that government has made the process fair.

Now we go to the point of ‘golput’ (people who didn’t give their vote, or give the straw vote), let’s analyze why their right neglected or not. As written on the law book that ‘society have right to choose, to be chosen, and not to choose’. Implicitly it said that people are allowed to not give their votes. Indeed they will lose the precious chance to decide their next fate, but they havd decided it wisely. Of course they have made fair consideration about it, they must have reason why they do so. May be all of the candidate are not believable enough, or they disagree with the candidate’s point of view.

As there are involved the idea of fair consideration and transparency, we can obviously said there are no human’s right violation and the election is fair for sure.

Don't be Computer Addict

                Technology has increasingly widely spread, the using of computers has became the first habit for society. Some fact show that people even use it for unimportant things only, such as gaming, or may be re-open their album just to see their favorite pictures. Implicitly it said that people have addicted by computers, but do we really need it? Or we just want to connect with them? Let’s see.

            The nature of computer itself is human’s helper. Especially for students, those who usually get so many task which must be typed and printed or e-mailed to the teachers. Without computers they will not be able to do fulfill the duties. Besides for the tasks, on some case computer can increase students’ concentration. Those who are auditory will really need computers or laptop to hear music or the records of the lesson. As students it is humane if they feel tired and bored after the long period of learning. Games or movie that is saved on their PC will be the easiest way to refresh their mind cause they don’t need to pay or go to someplace that needs more fee. It has proven that the attendance of computers really helps them to do so.

            On some occasion students cannot limit their intensity on facing their PC or laptop. Sometimes they don’t use it in proper time, place, and situation. Indeed it can refresh their mind but when they cannot handle their self they might play the games in the middle of the lesson. Besides that, computer is addictive. When somebody use it once, they might use it over and over again. It will create bad effect towards the students’ activation. Those who start to feel comfort will not think twice to sit in front of their laptop. Even for such unimportant things, just like watch the videos that they have watched before. In some cases computers can be destructive for students’ concentration. Furthermore unconsciously they might have more refreshing time rather than their study time. Automatically when they face their laptop it is possible if they lazy to open their books.

            According to those condition and bad effects that caused by the computers have more probability than the good one, I believe that we may not too dependent to computers. Try to promise to our self not to be addicted by the laptop and computers.

aren't they too young to grade their teacher

            It is a must that teachers are responsible to help students get the lesson. It means they have close relationship. Both of them have their own point of view for each. As we know teachers assess their mentee trough the report. American schools have a system that at the end of the year, they will do survey about each teacher. Having to write sentences usually deals with those students. But is it right for allowing students to do so? Let’s check it out !

As human being teachers absolutely will have such kind of mistakes on teaching and learning process. Unfortunately those who realize it is their students, unconsciously students will assess and judge them. That is the wrong way of judgement. Here the nature of teachers it self are the one who help students to understand the knowledge easily. From that statement we can take that teachers have something more compared to the students. Especially knowledge and experiences as they have born far earlier than students. That is why it’s like unsuitable way to judge somebody that have more experiences than them.

Regarding to their age, students are not compatible enough to give the fair assessment. We can say that they are fickle, even sometimes they will be careless towards it. They will not be able to make such kind of fair consideration on grading their teacher. Moreover, they will ignore the nature of teacher, for example some female students might grade the most handsome teacher more, and the boys might judge the most beautiful one. It proves that idea of judging is not about the quality of knowledge that the got, but it based on students’ mood instead.

Last but not least, allowing students to grade the teacher directly is nor the best way to evaluate the teacher. When teacher’s correcting student’s assignment or quiz, automatically they will know how far their students understand about the material that they gave. From its result, teacher can analyze whether they need to improve their method or not. Trough this way, there will be no side taht hurt, cause students can’t create good diction so that it will hurt their teacher.

Indeed students have right to do the judgement, but we need to think about the nature of teacher and students as well. That is why it will be bad if we allowed them to grade their teachers.

homework is for your own sake

r o

          Teachers are responsible to teach, train, and supervise students at school. While nowadays teacher also give them homework in order to keep watching on them at home. Not all students can do what teacher was expected. Even some of them will feel pushed when they saw the assignments. How about you? Is it useful or harmful.

          Nowadays, homework usually contain of question whose answer can’t be found on schoolbook so that they must search it on the internet. Of course they don’t have enough money to have the internet, and automatically they will be more left behind.Besides discriminating the poor students, by having the homework students will feel that their right for having fun at home was neglected. They only focusing on doing the homework, meanwhile as we know a child may not be pushed to think. On that purpose they will stay at home longer, and the one who can guide them is only their parents. Do all parents have the same method with teachers on teaching them? Of course not, it will make student confuse instead. Get different learning methods maybe good for some students, but not all. Even it can be a burden for them.

          In other side, by given homework will increase student’s responsibility. They will try hard to finish their task, at least they will try not going to school with empty hand. Furthermore, when they are getting mature they have learned how to be responsible on their own life. As parents are the only one who guide them at home, that is the way for parents to get closer with their child, as well as it can create a friendly and comfortable learning method apart from the serious one at school. That kind of atmosphere, will encourage them to learn more. Last but not least, homework is a sharpener of students’ mind. When they do that homework, their brain will be stimulated to develop for finding the answer. Moreover, by doing the homework they will keep their brain trained to think, so that it will not get shock when thinking heavier.

          Well, homework eventually become helper for students. It encourages them to think more and more. It improves their responsibility, their parents either. By supervising their child, parents will know how is their progress. As long as thehomework matched with the current topic and not too much, students still need homework.

Berganti Hati - Anggun C

Satu persatu telah kuhapus
Cerita lalu di antara engkau dan aku
Dua hati ini pernah percaya
Seribu mimpi tanpa ragu tanpa curiga

Ku tak ingin lagi
Menunggu, menanti
Harapan tuk hidupkan cinta yang telah mati
Ku tak ingin coba
Hanya tuk kecewa (Ku telah kecewa)
Lelah ku bersenyum lelah ku bersandiwara
Aku ingin pergi
Dan berganti hati

Satu persatu telah kuhapus
Nada dan lagu yang dulu kucipta untukmu
Rasa yang dulu pernah ada
Kini berdebu terbelenggu dusta dan noda

Kini ku sadari diri ini
Ingin berganti hati
Cinta yang tlah pergi
Harus berganti hati

Harus ku ganti hatiku kini
Ini harus ku ganti
Tak perlu ini lagi harus berganti…

Maaf semuanya. :(

ketika aku mengalami kegagalan.

rasanya seakan dunia ini memaki

hasrat untuk membuat orang tua bangga,

terhapus sudah.

huff.

Ayah, Bunda, Kakak, maafin aku.

aku nggak pernah buat kalian bangga,

aku selalu nyusahin, bikin pusing.

Niken pengen banget buat Ayah, Bunda, sama Kakak bangga,

tapi ya gimana lagi.

Niken nggak sepinter temen-temen Niken,

baru tes gini aja Niken nggak lolos.

padahal temen-temen Niken pada lolos.

malu deh.

nggak bisa bilang 

"Ayah, Bunda, Kakak, Niken lolos! Niken mau keluar negeri tahun depan! "

pasti kalo aku bilang gitu senyum mereka bakalan merekah indah,

tapi apa yang ada sekarang,

jangankan ngajak Ayah sama Bunda tinggal sama aku dan suamiku,

paling sekarang mereka udah malu banget punya anak yang nggak pernah buat bangga.

Oh God,

please show me the way that You have been prepared specially for me.

I believe it is true, so please, show me that way, and guide me to trough it.

Pengumuman Seleksi Tahap 1 AFS

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YBA/YP13-14/MLG/0512

Niken Tawang Sasi 

Maaf :(

Adik tidak lulus Seleksi Tahap Pertama Bina Antarbudaya.

may be this is not my way.  and I believe, God has prepare the best way for me.

love different religion

Why did God create us differently,if He just want to be worshiped i  one way.That is why you always on my mind.

I Still in Love with You "double U"

Cinta Beda Agama itu..

Agama itu keyakinan.
kata orang, kalo beda agama pasti beda prinsip juga.
tapi gimana sama pasangan-pasangan yang beda agama ?
kok bisa mereka nyatuin karakter mereka, katanya kan beda,
GAMPANG.
selama keduanya masih kuat iman, so ya hubungan bakalan adem-adem wae.
emang susah sih buat bertahan,
tapi itu adalah salah satu cara supaya kita tetep ada di jalan kita dan tetep bisa ngerasain c.i.n.t.a
jangan kayak lagunya Marcell "aku untuk kamu, kamu untuk aku, namun semua takkan mungkin iman kita yang bebeda, Tuhan memang satu, kita yang tak sama "
lirik itu ngebuktiin banget kalo si yang punya perasaan gak kuat njalani hubungan beda agama.
buat kalian yang udah terlanjur masuk, ya lanjutin aja.
yang penting saling menjaga supaya nggak saling jatuh kelubang yang salah.
jangan menyesali itu, lanjutin aja,
Tuhan itu cuma satu,
kalo Tuhan setuju pasti bakalan everlasting, 
tapi kalo Tuhan gak setuju, pasti dicariin jalan lain yang lebih sesuai misalnya jodoh yang sepaham.
so, buat yang lagi njalani, atau lagi hampir ngejalani hubungan beda agama, santai aja.
that's why God create Love.
in order that people could be united.

I Nedd This-Jessie J

Stop, where am I?
Shock, I can't cry
Pop, I need some space


No, this isn't me
Go, please let me breathe
I'll be back sooner than you know


Well, I've been blind
I hope I'll be fine
Don't hold me back, no


Yes, I see light
Now, it's so bright
Call my name, I'll be there soon


I need this space
Just like you need air
I need this time
Time to clear up my mind


Wait, did you hear that?
Hear my heart beat
I need this feeling


You know it's not personal
Sorry if I'm hurting you
Please don't give up on me now
I needed this time alone
To know I could come back home
To breath breath, breath

# Deca

Cerpen post pertamaku

Masa pelatihan sebagai seorang calon anggota OSIS adalah suatu kewajiban yang harus aku tempuh untuk bisa menjadi anggota OSIS yang syah. Bukan karena aku tidak berpotensi, namun pelatihan adalah titik yang harus aku lewati sebelum dilantik menjadi anggota OSIS.

                Rey, Inta, Dinda, dan Tyan adalah teman satu kelompok ku selama 3 hari masa pelatihan. Sebagaimana yang telah diperintahkan oleh senior kami selalu menjaga kebersamaan kami kapanpun dan dimanapun. Hingga akhirnya tiba di hari terakhir pelatihan.

                Malam hari saat jelajah malam.

                “Kelompok satu, Rey, Inta, Dinda, Tyan, Nita, silahkan menuju ke pos 1 ”, panggil salah satu senior kami.

                Disepanjang penjelajahan malam itu, Tyan sangat menjagaku. Ketika berjalan diatas pematang sawah yang licin, dia memegang erat tanganku. Ketika aku terpeleset, dia menangkapku dengan lembut hingga aku jatuh kepelukan hangatnya. Hingga akhirnya sampailah kami di pos terakhir yaitu sebuah pemakaman umum. Kami berlima masuk perlahan, gelap, menyeramkan, dan harum bunga kenanga menemani perjalanan kami mencari dimana bendera bertuliskan angka 1 berada. Tyan mencoba melindungiku, dia selalu berjalan tepat disampingku. 10 menit kemudian kami berhasil menemukan bendera yang dianggap sebagai bukti bahwa kami kelompok satu telah melewati semua pos malam itu.

# # #

                Semenjak pelatihan, aku dan Tyan menjadi semakin akrab. Tak jarang dia datang di kelasku untuk sekedar mengajakku pergi ke kantin berdua. Waktu berlalu, hingga sampai pada Ujian Akhir Semester 1. Bulan Desember adalah bulan yang paling ditunggu Tyan. Karena Tyan meyakini bahwa Desember adalah bulan penuh berkah, terutama Hari Natal. Tyan menjalani hari-hari Ujian Akhir Smester 1 dengan penuh semangat. Setiap malam, Tyan selalu mengirim pesan singkat hanya untuk menyapa atau mengucapkan selamat tidur dan semoga besok diberi kelancaran oleh Tuhan.

Tak terasa, ujianpun selesai dan tibalah saat classmeeting. Pada hari terakhir classmeeting diadakan sebuah pentas seni. Tyan adalah drummer salah satu band di sekolah kami. Ia tampil memukau di pembukaan pentas seni, tanpa kusangka dia menyebut namaku dan memintaku untuk naik ke panggung, seketika aku berlari ke koridor sekolah agar tidak ada orang yang melihatku. Saat dilanda rasa senang yang bercampur dengan cemas, malu, dan takut, tiba-tiba Tyan menghampiriku dan berdiri tegak didepanku.

“ Kenapa kamu lari ? ”, tanya Tyan lirih.

“ Aku malu ”, jawabku pelan.

“ Malu kenapa? Malu kalau ternyata aku suka sama kamu ? ”

“ Bukan, Yan. Aku cuma gugup aja, aku nggak tahu harus ngapain kalau kamu manggil aku gitu ”

“ Gampang, Nit. Seandainya ada cowok yang manggil kamu ke panggung dengan penuh rasa hormat dia menyampaikan bahwa selama ini dia mencintai kamu, apa yang bakalan kamu lakuin ? ”

“ Nggak mungkin banget kalau aku harus membuat keputusan dalam waktu hanya beberapa detik. Pasti aku butuh waktu untuk memikirkan apa keputusan yang terbaik ”

“ O, makasih, sekarang aku tahu, apa yang kamu pengen ”

 “ Lho? Maksudnya? ”

“ Jadi gini, Nit. Sebenernya semenjak pelatihan OSIS kemarin aku mulai ngerasa cocok sama kamu, aku suka sama kamu, emang sih aku nggak bisa romantis, tapi ya beginilah caraku, aku sangat menghormati cewek, itu sebabnya selama ini aku selalu jagain kamu”

“ O, jadi gitu”

“ Maaf, Nit. Nggak apa apa kok kalo kamu butuh waktu, aku juga sebenernya ragu apa kamu juga suka sama aku atau nggak, secara kamu muslimah yang berjilbab dan taat, sedangkan aku, kita berdua beda seratus delapan puluh derajat. Tapi aku tetap berharap kalau kamu juga nggak terlalu mempermasalahkan perbedaan itu”

“ Maaf juga ya, Yan. Aku nggak nyangka kalo kamu bakalan ngelakuin sejauh ini. Maaf aku belum bisa kasih keputusan sekarang. Aku minta waktu buat mikir”

“ Iya, nggak apa-apa kok, Nit. Seminggu kedepan kan kita liburan, gimana kalo waktu kamu mikir adalah seminggu kedepan, begitu hari pertama masuk, kita ketemu lagi jam pulang sekolah di gazebo taman kota”

“ Iya deh. Seminggu lagi pulang sekolah di gazebo taman kota”

“ Eits, tapi inget selama seminggu ini kamu harus jaga diri, nggak boleh ngelirik atau nyangkut sama cowok lain, oke?”

“ Siap,Komandan”

“ Yaudah aku gabung sama anak-anak dulu ya. See you next week, I love you”

Dalam hati kecilku berbisik “I love you too, Tyan”

# # #

                Selama liburan, Tyan sangat jarang mengirim pesan teks untukku. Aku tidak menganggap itu sebagai masalah, karena aku sangat menghargai bahwa saat ini adalah waktu untuk Tyan berkumpul dengan keluarga besarnya untuk merayakan natal. Satu-satunya pesan teks yang kuterima dari Tyan adalah

“Christmas meriah, tapi aku masih ngerasa kurang, I miss you, Nita my fairy”

                Hari pertama sekolah setelah liburan.

                Hari yang sangat aku tunggu, karena hari ini aku akan bertemu dengan Tyan dan mengatakan bahwa aku bersedia dengan senang hati menjadi kekasihnya. Sepulang sekolah, aku segera menuju ke gazebo taman kota, ternyata Tyan telah berada disana. Pasti dia sudah tidak sabar mendengar jawabanku.

“ Hai, Nit”, sapanya lembut.

“ Hai juga, Yan. Gimana liburannya? Meriah kan Christmassnya?”, balasku.

“ Meriah kok, tapi ada satu hal yang pengan aku omongin sama kamu”

“ Oh ya? Apa?”

“ Jadi gini, kemarin waktu malam misa di gereja, mama ngenalin aku sama anaknya temen mama, namanya Ika. Dia anak tunggal, dan dia sakit kanker otak. Sepulang dari gereja, mama minta aku buat nikah sama Ika tahun depan. Jadi maaf, Nit. Mulai kemarin aku udah resmi pacaran sama Ika”

“ Oh, gitu ya”, balasku ketus.

“ Maafin aku, Nit. Aku bener-bener nggak bisa nolak permintaan mamaku. Tapi tenang aja, aku janji empat tahun lagi waktu kamu selesai kuliah di Aussie, begitu kamu balik ke Indonesia, aku bakalan ngelamar kamu”, ia coba menenangkanku.

“ Terus Ika gimana?”, tanyaku heran.

“ Dokter bilang, dia cuma punya waktu dua tahun, habis itu aku bakalan balik lagi sama kamu. Aku janji nggak bakalan ngecewain kamu lagi”, balasnya meyakinkan.

“ Kamu nggak harus janji, kalo emang kamu bahagia sama Ika, aku juga pasti seneng kok, Yan. Bahagiain Ika ya, bikin momen-momen terbaik dalam hidup dia”,

                Dengan berat hati aku pulang. Aku meninggalkan Tyan yang sebenarnya tersiksa dengan adanya perjodohan ini.

# # #

                Setahun berlalu, kini saatnya aku untuk melanjutkan belajarku dan kuliah di Australia. Karena aku percaya dengan apa yang dijanjikan Tyan kepadaku, selama 3 tahun aku sama sekali tidak pernah menaruh hati kepada setiap pemuda yang menaruh simpati kepadaku. Hingga akhirnya sampai pada prosesi wisuda. Dengan bangga aku pulang ke Indonesia dengan gelar Magister Ekonomi termuda.

                Karena telah lama tak merasakan sensasi berbelanja di Indonesia, hari kedua di Indonesia aku segera menuju ke salah satu mall di Jakarta dengan ditemani bunda, dan kakak perempuanku. Setelah dua jam, kami menuju ke foodcourt yang terletak di lantai dasar.

                Saat tengah menikmati makanan kami, aku seperti melihat Tyan di meja didepan kami. Secara seksama kuamati pria itu. Ternyata benar, itu memang Tyan. Tapi yang kulihat saat ini, adalah Tyan yang sangat dewasa, satu yang kurasa aneh. Dia duduk dengan seorang wanita berwajah oriental yang sedang menggendong anak laki-laki. Mungkinkah itu Ika? Tapi Tyan bilang dia hanya punya waktu 2 tahun, sementara sekarang sudah lebih dari 3 tahun.

                Melihat ini, seketika aku mengirim pesan singkat kepada Tyan

“ Tyan, aku sudah pulang di Indonesia, bisa kita ketemu sebentar. Aku tunggu di gazebo taman kota jam 3 sore ini”

                Tyan tidak membalas, kulihat dia hanya menatap ponselnya sebentar kemudian kembali bergurau dengan wanita dan anak laki-laki itu.

                Waktu menunujukkan pukul 15.00. Aku sedang dalam perjalanan menuju ke taman kota.  Tanpa aku sadari, ketika aku sampai di gazebo, ternyata Tyan telah duduk tertunduk di salah satu sudut gazebo.

“ Hai, Tyan”, sapaku lirih.

“ Oh, hai, Nit. Maaf, Nit” balasnya.

“ Maaf? Buat apa?”

“ Aku udah ngelanggar janjiku sama kamu 4 tahun lalu. Aku nggak bisa ngelamar kamu sekarang”

“ Kenapa? Siapa cewek itu?”, tambahku sembari mengarahkan telunjukku kesebuah moobil yang terparkir tak jauh dari gazebo yang didalamnya duduk seorang wanita memangku anak kecil dan dari tadi menatap cemas kearahku dan Tyan.

“ Dia Ika. Selama ini dia memang bohong. Dia sama sekali tidak menderita kanker”

“ Terus kenapa kamu masih tetap bertahan sama dia, kamu lupa kalo kamu pernah bilang cintamu hanya untuk aku, atau jangan-jangan kamu memang sengaja merencanakan ini semua dari awal?”

“ Bukan begitu, Nit. Posisiku saat itu sangat berat. Aku mencintai kamu tulus. Aku udah rela nunggu kamu sampek hampir dua tahun. Tapi selama dua tahun itu kamu nggak kasih kabar sama sekali. Ini sama aja aku harus nunggu orang yang aku sendiri nggak tahu gimana kamu waktu itu. Dan waktu itu ada Ika yang selalu ada buat aku, selalu bisa nenangin aku, dia selalu sayang sama aku dengan tulus.Although pada waktu itu aku juga inget kalo aku lagi nungguin kamu, tapi adanya Ika sangat membuat aku nyaman tanpa kamu. Maaf, Nita ”

“ O, gitu. Yaudah kamu pulang aja. Udah jelas kok, aku udah ngerti. Aku pulang dulu, berjuang buat keluarga kecilmu, buat mereka bahagia. Jangan sampek berakhir kayak kita sekarang, have a nice day”

“ Nit, maaf”

Tanpa basa-basi aku berlari pergi melenyapkan diri dari pandangan Tyan dan masuk kedalam taksi dan peluh mataku jatuh tak tertahankan. Tiba-tiba ada sebuah pesan singkat yang bertuliskan ‘ Si Abang Tyan’

 “ Nita my fairy, maaf aku tidak bisa mennepati janjikui. Salam manis dari ‘Abang Tyan’ junior, dia kasep dan ganteng kayak papanya. Semoga kamu menemukan pangeran yang tepat. I will always keep  you in my heart, My Fairy”

                Aku hanya bisa menangis  dan mengurung diri dikamar sambil memutar lagu Rossa “Tega”.

Aku tahu, dirimu kini telah ada yang memiliki.

Tapi bagaimanakah dengan diriku,

Tak mungkin kusanggup untuk kehilangan dirimu

Aku tahu bukan saatnya tuk mengharap cintamu lagi.

Tapi bagaimanakah dengan aku,

Tak mungkin kusanggup hidup sendiri tanpa cintamu

               

Luka yang pernah ditorehkan Tyan semasa SMA, kini kembali menganga.

~TAMAT~